Hearing the word “no” is hard. Maybe it happens in the context of the dating world, or a relationship, or perhaps a work thing. Regardless of where, when or from whom, hearing “no” feels cruddy.
In my professional world, several people whom I respect and care about have recently been told no. When you put yourself out there and apply for a job, especially one that you feel deeply you are perfect for, and the answer is no – it’s painful. I’ve had my fair share of “no’s” both personally and professionally. Sometimes I have been really put back on my heels by the refusal; sometimes the reason why I didn’t get that particular position becomes clear quickly and I am able to move beyond it with greater ease. The common thread is that regardless of why the answer is no, being open to seeing the possibilities that may come from that “no” is where the magic is. Here are three things to consider:
What Can You Learn From This?
I know that thinking about what you can learn from a lost opportunity can sound trite. However, once you have gotten past the pain or shock of the moment, try and consider what the lesson might be in this denial. Was there a pivotal moment in the interview process that, upon reflection, was an area for further learning or growth? Are there skills that could be sharpened as an interviewee? How can you take this moment and turn it into learning that propels you toward your next opportunity? As Brianna Wiest states in her book, The Mountain Is You, “You cannot avoid all pain, but you can absolutely avoid a lot of suffering by staying focused on your internal growth.” There is learning in the experience, even if it doesn’t take the shape we thought it would.
Could This Simply be Not Yet?
Some of the most successful people in the world have heard “no” many times before they got their first “yes”. Imagine if J.K. Rowling had given up on her manuscript for Harry Potter. She was denied 12 times before someone finally showed an interest, and the literary world is forever changed because of her diligence! It is reported that Colonel Sanders offered his famous chicken recipe over 1,000 times before someone finally gave him an opportunity to make money from his recipe. The fast food chain, KFC now has over 25,000 restaurants worldwide! Sometimes the right “yes” is just around the corner, and the lesson is to think of the “no” as a “not yet”. If you are clear in your purpose, and committed to your goals, the denial of an opportunity might just mean that you haven’t achieved it yet.
Perhaps This is an Opportunity in Disguise
Is it possible that this “no” happened because a bigger and better “yes” is just around the corner? Our mindset is a choice, and can be really impactful! Consider this quote from Babe Ruth, “Every strike brings me closer to the next home run.” Opportunities can present themselves in strange ways, so staying open to the possibilities is critical for continued momentum toward your goals. Maybe the loss of one opportunity is creating space for a better one. There is truth in the saying “when one door closes, a window opens” and it our mindset that helps us to embrace the next step in our journey.
As hard as hearing no can be, we have to remind ourselves not to give up! Our dreams are worth it! Find people to be a part of your tribe who listen, love, encourage and inspire you. Until you find your right “yes”, listen to your cheerleaders, not your inner critic.
Learning, Leading, Living 